Where were you?

21st March 2018 13:34

Had omelette cheese sandwich from canteen and orange juice. Topless right now. In my room. I will die someday. All of us, labels in some record, in some government building or hospital, or collection of alphabets on letters unopened, dead accounts or fleeting unexplained frames in someone’s mind.
We all will die.
This show will end.
Where were you?

Like of the people and their friends we read about, in photos, in an unknown world. Of the news we hear, today Stephen Hawking died, Sri Devi died. We will be there. We will be the body lying over a bed going to the pyre. Waiting at the traffic signals. A touch of love felt. Enough to be buried. Enough to be rescued. Enough to feel somewhere, somewhere the fire inside us. Enough to forget that death can indeed touch us.

All the music, visuals, rules and crimes. All the government policies, all the beggars and their eyes, all the mutilated animals and the mutilated minds.
Ram Naam Satya Hai.
Ram Naam Satya Hai.

Why do I remember this date? Why do I feel I am living in predefined circles. Why inside me, there is an infinity. Which knows which knows, it is safe. Which knows.
Which knows when I pretend.
A silent land. I carry inside me.
The silence I see in Pupper’s eyes, or in Monsoon’s. Something in them knows.
A silence I see a human violently running away from.
I was too.

Fingerprints needed for KYC.
Aadhaar Card needed for DL, for mobile number, for banks.
Scan our Iris, as it contracts
All of the pile of debris
Like the garbage hills near Mumbra
When will it go away

Sad to know I will die before that
or Maybe not
Through these networks of cleverly crafted nets
and the cleverness in us that seeks to be amused
How do I speak
With what language
To show that no policy
no technology
no privelge
or lack of it
can teach us to care
can teach us to get up and clean our filth

They disappear and new worlds emerge
Apps, Malls, Future of humanity
The security ladies at the malls
and cleaning staff at the malls
and the people making Fiery Paneer Panini at Brewberries
Where do they go to and where do they live and what do they eat
What do they think and what do they feel
How do their dreams look like
What does a limping dog think
Mummy felt that pain
She said what is the use of making you educated
if you cannot understand care and if you cannot be responsible
Chukla majha
I was wrong
Her voice crackling on the phone
Mummy who relentlessly walked towards making us educated
says she was wrong
People who come from villages
are responsible even though not educated
So what is all this
A big Lie?

I, as I listened, could not speak
Anything
I see the bloodshed
But where do I scream
I am doing my tiny tiniest bit
Flown away at times with newness
Coming back again to realise
We create our own monsters to fight
They grow smarter
As we grow smarter
That’s all

A girl in some distant village
Her eyes looking at me
What do I tell
How is the world?
Weave an imaginary tale
So she crashes somewhere as she grows up
Tell her the reality
So she never has hope
Or smile at her

Between this day and when this body dies
I have so much to do and to say
I get scared of people looking at me
I get scared of myself
I consider them
and then I get along with them
Fighting their battles
Soon to see I have left behind myself.

To the point I forget what was I all about
To get tangled in their thoughts and language
And live their lives, frustrated
Because I am too lonely in mine
Or make them into what I want
And cry when I don’t see it

I forget their life is different
These cures of loneliness we all try to find
I got FF
Fail Grade, eligible for a re-examination
These desperations of sharing our knowledge without the other understanding it
Not caring if they did

IIT Bombay
Gnayam Parmam Dhyeyam
Knowledge Is The Supreme Goal

A crane broke the arch of this goal
As sunlight pierced down
It was beautiful
I danced inside
A wild happy gleeful dance

Doubt within our minds
of not understanding the other
or taking over their questions
their thoughts
There has to be a better way
Where knowledge does not cause pain
neither confusion
But a way towards love felt at a larger scale
There has to be a way
Where knowledge is not desperate
Where love is not trampled upon

Where the presence of other
does not alter me forcefully
but opens up the path to my growth
For that I have to welcome difference
Welcome pain
Welcome the other
And understand myself

Where worth is not the element for being together
Being together is the base towards limitless growth
Of knowledge of love of care of all of the things we haven’t thought

Shilpa Ma’am said, there has to be a point where all the planning stops and we execute
I say that is the difficult part, she says that is the fun part

The role I played which was not me
Not suited for me
But i had to play to know
To know how absolutely pointless it is
To see how it is harmful to me and to the other
And to know in clear details
Clearest
How it links back

Deriving importance of things through another’s eyes
Because I couldn’t
Role playing
Because it is too lonely here

Getting confused on my own path
because the conviction I see in their tone
Not knowing my path
Because it wasn’t a path
It was me
Whole of me
Lost

Games and more games
devaluing myself and others
blames
morals
mind colours
loss
absolute loss
of everything i am
and he is
behind all these sharply carved words

But when the sunshine fills up my room
When the eternities come without knocking
When the moment plays live
What Mohanty Sir said, It never goes away
I come back
In solitude
In silence
In peace of mind
I come back

 

 

 

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